Da Nose #1 Issue!

Volume 1 Edition 1 Chapter 1 Page 1: Circulation 7,210 1/2 Tacky button hits 19,000,002 per year; 149,908 per month; 40,010 per week; 4011 per day; 1678 per minute; 542 per second; 213 per nanosecond

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ISSUE #8!!

Hits to the button: (DISCLAIMER: Numbers inflated to impress sponsors and newcomers) Hits to this button are calculated in the same manner as production units. If you are an MT, your hits will be tripled for billing purposes and halved for payment purposes. Sponsors will be charged for backspaces and twice as many clicks if the clickee is a twin.

Brought to you compliments of Homescribble and the soon to be announced Homekibblers -- a division of Homescribe

"If it is walking and breathing we will hire it!"

(Please visit our sponsor multiple times as Da Nose receives a credit for each time that site receives a "hit")

FEATURED BIOGRAPHY OF THE WEEK

How I Became the Owner of the Largest Medical Transcription Service in the World:

Back in 1975, I was a struggling transcriptionist just like all of you. Of course, I've risen above that now. Not to be disparaging -- we all have to start somewhere. Rest assured that I have your best interests in mind because I came from the bottom of the heap, where you are right now. Many people ask how I got started. I did fudge just a little on my credentials so I could get my first job as a transcriptionist. At that time, my sister's boyfriend's brother's friend worked in the front office of a doctor's office. I listed him as a reference and when I applied for my first job at a hospital, he told them I'd worked as a transcriptionist for the doctor. That way, I got around that pesky requirement for experience. Not that I had no experience whatsoever! My little brother was sick a lot and I went to the doctor's office and the hospital with he and my mother all the time. I picked up a lot of the lingo just by doing that. My coworkers at the hospital didn't seem to mind much that I interrupted them constantly with questions or that my reports came back for corrections, usually when I was off shift. Things haven't changed much since then. They were desperate for someone to do the work and I was better than nobody at all! It's a good thing hospitals paid hourly and had no minimum production requirements back then. My goodness! If I had to work then on production pay rates being paid now, I would never have gone into the business. Before long, I was ready to start my own transcription service. I had no idea what I was doing, but figured my determination would see me through. I also called a couple of the services in the area and pretended to be a prospective client, so I could find out a little bit more about how they ran their business and what they charged. With that wealth of information under my belt, I begged some of the doctors at the hospital to let me do their office transcription. Finally, after I agreed to do it for half what they were being charged, I was able to take my business home and work out of the spare bedroom. I wanted a name for my business that people would remember, so I called it "Galloping Keyboard," a cute expression I overheard someone say once at the hospital. I think it's cute that I can call the medical language specialists who work for me "Fillies." Those were lean years and I sure struggled. I couldn't afford any reference books, but the transcriptionists who still worked at the hospital always answered the phone when I called. I couldn't afford a separate phone line for the business, either, but pretty soon the kids got better at taking messages from my clients. Business grew by leaps and bounds, especially since I was willing to do any dictation at any price just to get the account. Pretty soon, my Fillies were working their little fingers to the bone and we had more work than we could possibly handle. But that doesn't bother me. I still charge whatever the client tells me they'll pay and follow the time-honored tradition of healthcare finance -- we aren't making any money, but we make up for it in volume. I'm not ashamed to admit I disdain the professional organization for medical transcriptionists. As far as I'm concerned, the usefulness of the organization is limited to its ability to give me access to more Fillies for my business. I've never had a formal education or ongoing education in either medical transcription or the medical transcription profession and I've done well enough to turn my business into the largest transcription service in the world. I still transcribe an hour or two a day, just to keep my hand in it and so I can say I'm just like the lowly Fillies who work for me. They like that. I hope none of you out there get the idea that it was easy and anybody could do this. If you could, there'd be more people like me! I'm special and unique and you're better of working for me or people like me because not everyone can do this.

Anny Onymus

(pee ess - due to newness of this noseletter we will be testing font size and color until we come up with just the right degree of tackyness. We thank you for your perservering.

LINKS NO MT SHOULD BE WITHOUT

Searching for a little something to send to the "dictator" who is simply not getting the message that some incredibly "bad dictation habits" need to be changed? Never fear, Da Nose has just "da" thing: [more]

LINKS NO MT SHOULD BE WITHOUT

Fossilized Dino Dung -- a bargain at $15 a pound Dino Dung

For the recalcitrant dictator the Screaming Voodoo Doll

MT WEBSITE REVIEWS

More "let me help you because you are just too darn stupid to help yourself" talk this week could be found at this reviewer's most favorite MT site

The initial thread was started as an "I am in the know" post, regarding the AMA's vote this past week to approve the formation of a collective bargaining "unit" - not union - "unit." Not to burst anyone's bubble - but this is not going to fly. First of all, this "unit" will only be viable IF - and that is a big IF, congress passes a bill that excludes self-employed physicians from the current federal anti-trust laws. That is not going to happen - so don't put all your eggs in THAT basket; because it will fall apart soon enough.

Two BIG thumbs down for this thread and for the person who thought it might be time for a union. In all fairness, there certainly were enough MTs with enough of a brain in their head to offer their resounding "NO" to the initial thoughts; however, there are enough MTs out there - particularly at MT4dummies.com who just might buy into this thought. Wake up America - we're heading into the year 2000. The time for unions has come ----------- and gone. I am quite capable of speaking up for myself, standing my ground when I am treated unfairly, and, well - shoot - just thinking for myself. Again - more "let me help you, because you are just too darn stupid to help yourself" chatter - just branching out into a different realm.

Setting aside the fact that the self-employed MT would not be permitted to actively participate in a union due to the same federal anti-trust laws that are prohibiting physicians from actively participating in their proposed "unit" -- this MT would still be opposed to the whole half-baked idea.

Does this reviewer see the need to pay a portion of my salary to someone who is going to speak for me? Nope - absolutely, positively, 100% - NO WAY. I do quite nicely all on my own, thank you very much.

Name a profession in which one would not have to start out at entry-level wages and work their way up by improving their skills and gaining that word that appears to be a dirty word around mt4dummies.com - EXPERIENCE. You experienced MTs out there - hold your head high and do not be ashamed of the fact that you do have years under your belt. Speak up for yourself - you do not need someone to do it for you. To you newbies out there - stop whining and complaining about how you are being treated unfairly, not earning enough - and keep my mother's favorite phrase in mind "be careful of what you wish for - you just might get it." Get off your duff, procure your experience and pay your dues - just not to a union, please.

Indaknow Offduffu

THE GURU SPEAKS

Greetings from your humble servant the computer guru.

Dear Humble Guru,

First I'd like to say that I think it is just wonderful that you freely give semi-intelligent people like me some of your wizdom and advise. I also like the way that you are so unlike all the computer people in that you really seem to talk down to my level. Okay, here's my question. I'm trying to install a copy (from my friend) of Steadman's speeller to my new Windows 98 computer for use with my copy of WordPerfect 5.1 (also from my friend, she's so helpful). Everytime I try to run the speeller I get an error. What can I do? I've already checked to make sure the files and settings are all the same on both my computers.

He said that I had a fat problem and that I now have the fat when I was 32 and the only way I would be able to get this to work is if I reformatted into the fat I had when I was 16.

I don't know what his problem is. He was really nice up until I had this particular problem. For the record I'm not really that fat.

Signed,

CluebielessNewbie in Cleveland

Dear CluebielessNewbie in Cleveland

You are in luck today because my wives are all out shopping. I'm very glad you came to me with this problem since I'm not condescending or stuck on myself at all. In fact, I think I'm easily one of the humblest people on this ball of dirt we call the earth. If you ask any of my friends they will tell you the same thing.

But enough with introductions. Your old computer guru is totally off base. Your problem has nothing to do with your fat. By the way, I'm sure you are very lovely... for an American.

The first thing I will do is call you collect and run around in your computer with PCAnywhere for a little while. It won't take more than 3-4 hours. During that time I will erase everything that you have and then recopy it from my computer here. If that doesn't work I will do it again. All at no charge to you.

If it still doesn't work you will have to take matters into your own hands, if you are smart enough, that is. Don't worry I'll be able to tell you if you are smart enough after we talk on the phone for a few hours. Remember, you can do these steps on your own but I don't recommend them unless you are really a smart person. Let me say that again, you can do these steps on your own but I don't recommend them unless you are really a smart person.

You have to open your computer by removing the screws in the back. You do that with a screwdriver. (You might need to get a man to help you.) Once you have the case opened you need to find your hard drive and remove it by telling your man friend to unscrew those screws as well. The hard drive will have a little piece of tape around the edge that says if the seal is broken you don't have a warranty. That's okay go ahead and break it anyway. After all you don't need a warranty, you've got me. There are more screws to get the hard drive apart so don't send that man away yet. When the hard drive is opened you will see some round shiny thingys in there. That is what the problem is. They are probably all smooth. Take a paperclip or a sewing needle and scratch your initials into the round shiny thing. This is what we in the computer business call "initializing the hard drive." Now you should be all ready to go. Have the man put everything back together and then let him restart your computer.

If that doesn't work you will have to take everything apart again and initialize a different round thingy in the hard drive, there might be more than one. It will take you some time but eventually I'm sure even you will figure it out

. Happy computing!!!

COMING SOON TO A BOARD NEAR YOU!!!

(as soon as we line up da sponsors and make more tacky buttons)

Hemorrhoid board, for what itches us. This board is sure to get inflamed

Zit Pit, where the pus of life pops out at you

Bloated board, when you are feeling all puffed up about yourself

Toefungus board, for cooking healthy

The "cramps" board, for when you are just out of sorts. Guys welcome

The Beer board, for when you are just foaming at the mouth

The JockStrap board, for when you need a little lift

Or as an alternative, email me.

Thank you for "supporting" this noseletter.

Issue 1	Issue 2	Issue 3
Issue 4	Issue 5	Issue 6

	Issue 7

Oh, yeah, almost forgot. We accept stories, any stories, original ones though, write them yourself even, give to me, and I will use here on my board and maybe we can attract more sponsors and then have excuse to have more tacky buttons! Yeah!!!

Disclaimer: This newsletter is the original design of its creator and any resemblance to any other industry or other newsletter, hard print or cyberprint, or unreasonable faxsimily thereof, or any other person, place, thing, living or dead, on this planet, any other planet, or in lala land, is strictly in the imagination of the reader. This is cyberspoof based on the word "satire" found in the dictionary.