Volume 1 Edition 1 Chapter 5 Page 1: Circulation 9,8039 - Tacky button hits 29,078,002 per year; 194,908 per month; 47,810 per week; 5811 per day; 1968 per minute; 799 per second; 499 per nanosecond
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Guide for Offshore Transcription Services
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Computer
Security.. by Tec N. O'Bully |
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A hot topic in MT circles is the upcoming HIPAA regulations regarding security. Many MTs on the Internet don't believe that these regulations will apply to them. Even more believe that they have all the security they'll ever need, as they work from home and print their documents out.
In an effort to help these poor misguided souls, I and a number of my fellow computer experts have launched a series of on-line discussions on how to implement a security program. Unfortunately, our efforts have met with denial, ranting diatribes, discussions of our personal habits, and improbable suppositions relating to our genealogy. In my younger days, I would have reacted to this with a set of blistering dissections of these people. But, age and experience have taught me that even the most refractory of people can eventually be educated. I have come to realization that these are real people, with families, jobs, fantasies, bank accounts, and credit cards. That with a little patience, I could come to know them intimately. That object lessons on computer security, tailored to the individual, work wonders in comprehension. I get such a warm glow when they have grasped the concept, and bask in the personally... rewarding... feeling of a job well done!
Gradually, we have been educating MT's on the joys of computer security. There are still a few who obstinately refuse to believe that computer security is important to them, but hopefully time and the legal system will take care of this. Why, one rather obstinate person was so foolish as to have a large store of illegal pornography on her computer, conducted mail fraud, and even sent threatening e-mails to elected officials! I hope that when she is paroled that she'll know the value of computer security. Oh well.. I have to go educate some more MTs!
The Board Board - for them that's boardfully
board of boards
The Washerboard - for them that's got the dirty scruffs
Da Pityfull Board - for them that's full of pityfull
boards
da HIPPO Boards - for them that's needs to know the rules
The Rules Board -for them that's makes the rules and
then changes them, this is to keep up
Da Keepup Board - for them that can't
The Pass the Basket Board - just put in money
The Cyberad Board - for them that don't get enough on
the other boards (all ads! all the time!)
The Password Board - make suggestions for the private
board passwords and we'll use 'em
REPORTER ON THE SPOT (ROTS)
Mayhem on Whatsit: MOWdown
An emerging technology company, Mayhem on Whatsit, created... well, mayhem in the MT Cyberspace community. From Da Nose source you can rely on, ROTS (Reporter On The Spot) brings you the MOWdown.
Advertising heavily that it was hiring 1000 MTs immediately, Mayhem on Whatsit coughed up a web site and started recruiting. Going undercover, the ROTS went to the Mayhem on Whatsit site and took the stringent examination required of applicants. This reporter has never had to transcribe dictation without the benefit of foot pedal controls before; good thing the dictation was so stringent I didn't need to pause or rewind while transcribing. I was able to handily complete the dictation in about two minutes. I quickly calculated in my head how much money I'd be making working for this company and seriously considered coming out of cover to apply. Wow! Mayhem on Whatsit advertised to applicants that the average report is 5 lines, and MTs are paid $2 per report. At one minute per report, I'd be making... WOW! $120 per hour!
After I calmed down, I sat back and waited for my test results. After all, I would only be making $120 per hour if I passed the test. I refrained from chewing on my fingernails, but did turn down two job offers that came in; after all, they weren't worth anything close to this! Was I ever excited when I got my official Mayhem on Whatsit package, telling me I had passed the test! I realize I lost my ROTS objectivity, but gosh darn it -- I could just see those dollar signs dancing around in front of my eyes. And I was so impressed with the professionalism of Mayhem on Whatsit. The packet I received was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen, with a nice cover and fancy print. And best of all! I got a laminated "Certificate of Qualification," telling me I (or rather, my ROTS alter ego) was now a Certified Medical Transcriptionist! For free! I quickly framed this and put it up on the wall. After all, I did take and pass that test legitimate-like and I deserve that Certified Medical Transcriptionist title as much as anybody else!
The only problem was the contract. Shoot, they wanted not just my signature, but a picture and my Social Security number, too! Being undercover, I could hardly provide those, could I? I just decided to wait and see what developed. With the kind of money I'd be making, I might just go back and get a certificate with MY name on it and quit this ROTS job!
They were nice enough to send me a password for a special board for Mayhem on Whatsit MTs, too. Still undercover, I could go talk with the people I'd be working with. Well, it sure didn't take long for trouble to start. Seems Mayhem on Whatsit didn't really have any work for anybody -- can you believe that? We were all of us sure looking forward to that easy money on those short reports, but there weren't any reports. It seems like there was no software, either, for sending dictation and transcription back and forth, listening to the dictation or transcribing. It sure enough was easy to do the test reports, but I wasn't sure most MTs are as good as me (even though everyone said they got a CMT out of this, too) and a foot pedal might be nice.
But for $120 an hour, I was willing to be patient. Even though everybody else was complaining, I hung in there while Mayhem on Whatsit kept moving the training date back. I did notice fewer and fewer people were posting on the password board, though. I just kept being positive, thinking of that easy money, while I turned down other jobs.
So why am I writing an expose if Mayhem on Whatsit is such a great company? Can you believe they sent me a pink slip yesterday?? I've been FIRED from a job there was never any work for! On top of that, I haven't worked for weeks because I thought I was working for Mayhem on Whatsit, and now bill collectors keep calling me (that should be fixed when the telephone gets disconnected today, though).
It's a darn good thing I have this ROTS job to fall back on. (Can I get an advance?)
New from da staff at Da Nose (dot com!)
We have the questions - do you have the answers!?
Patient know appears
to be ready for s/l excubation, will try to s/l exubate.
Prednesone, Prednisone. Which one is it? Google search has it both ways.
She was placed in a s/l dor-for-thotomy position.
Injected with a combination of s/l ristband, Marcaine and Lidocaine.
Small vessel S/L skemic disease.
Says the patient is taking s/l nafranil.
MRI of left shoulder shows a (s/l) *type 2 chromium* or *tattoo cromium* ???
SL "scaffoid" fracture of the wrist.
Doctor dictates: This word is in the s/l dor-luns dictionary. Anybody know what he's talking about??
Confidentiality? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Confidentiality!
Contributed by Jorge Strawhill
Confidential Information? In my college days, I used to work summers as a counselor at a prison camp. One of the favorite pastimes of the counselors was telling the newly arrived campers some of the horror stories of prison camp. This always garnered terrified expressions from some of the newly arrived, particularly the smaller ones. There was considerable betting by the counselors as to which one of the campers would be walking strangely the next morning.
Like those days, there has been a spate of alarmists who seem to take relish in telling what will happen when federal regulations of transcription comes in. MT's and MTSO's who listen to these people are suddenly having nightmares of being dragged off by leather-clad jackbooted thugs to a chamber populated by whip-and-chain bearing torturers, and being made to play "drop the soap" in scenes reminiscent of last week's "Dungeon Day" here at G&D. These poor, panicked people are scrambling to get their backs to a wall, hoping to avoid such a fate.
Let me tell you something - it'll never happen! In his book, "Tipping Cows", Moloch Sadbad states that in order to successfully tip a cow, it must be done late at night, and the tipper must be willing to risk stepping into the occasional cowpie. We all know that the government works 9 to 5, and politicians loathe stepping into manure, although they have been known to issue it. Without strong incentive, they will never be willing to step into the pasture to tip the cow of confidentiality. The assumption these alarmists make is that doctors and patients really care about confidentiality, and will push the government into the pasture.
Anyone with experience in transcription knows that this is a false assumption. Just the other day, I sat down to transcribe, and my ears were assaulted by gross bodily sounds, heavy sighs, and a background of groans and whining. I couldn't help but think that if this doctor would just read my book, we'd all be better off... then I remembered that I should press the "play" button on the dictation. On the tape, the doctor is obviously dictating in the HALLWAY of the HOSPITAL. Yes, he's actually speaking CONFIDENTIAL information in PUBLIC! Fly Agaric, a transcriptionist has related that she has frequently had the experience of standing in a supermarket checkout, and being forced to listen to the people around her discussing their latest medical problems. The willingness of people to discuss intimate medical details in public should serve as a warning that no one really cares about confidentiality!
Since all this doesn't really concern the public, the government isn't going to waste their time trying to actually enforce any regulations. Besides, how do they think we're going to pay for this? I'm still paying off the Selectrics I purchased 2 years ago, because the whiners on the staff complained that the manuals weren't serviceable! My goodness, if I were to listen to these alarmists, I'd have to actually buy computers! Do you know what computers cost? Is the government going to cough up the money for it? I don't think so! But they expect me to? Consider that one breaks many laws in the course of a day. What's one more? It's only a crime if you get caught. Since transcription is a marginal business, I doubt the government will pay any attention to us. Why spend hard-earned money for a trifle like confidentiality when there are so many better things to spend it on?
Jorge Strawhill is the founder and owner of Groggy & Disoriented Transcription Services, and the author of "Elocution Education for Everyone," now in its third run through the Xerox machine.
More from
ROTS
(when am I gonna get my own tacky logo?)
ROTS here, putting out volume so as to make up for money lost waiting for Mayhem on Whatsit, bringing to your attention two new organizations for MTs. Sprouting onto the scene in this country is the Society of American Nationalist Keboardists (SANK). In other countries, discussions are underway to form an organization for medical transcription service owners, to be known as Global Lucrative Overnight Millionaires (GLOM). Undercover, ROTS investigated these organizations.
SANK came out of the gate a strong contender, riding an emotional wave thrown up from offshore storms, but currently seems mired in the minutae of details, such as who will handle t-shirt sales for the organization. Unfortunately, the founder of SANK seems to have an aversion to corporate bureaucracy. Some effort has been undertaken, however, with a request to members to cough up a copy of another organization's By-Laws to use as a model for SANK's own by-laws. This reporter must remain undercover, so the question of how SANK will distinguish itself from the antithesis organization when it's by-laws are modeled on theirs will have to remain unanswered. The undercover ROTS is impressed that SANK's priorities seem to be in order, as "logo" items have already been made up and put on sale. The future would appear more promising if T-shirt sales didn't briskly outpace the number of volunteers for the mentoring program and advisory board. ROTS gives SANK a big "thumbs up!" for moxie!
This reporter found GLOM to be everything it purported to be as participants in the Eastern equivalent of a modern-day gold rush. The organization is made up almost entirely of male businessmen and seems to have only one goal: tie-ups. Don't go getting the wrong impression, now! Not THOSE kinds of tie-ups! This is apparently the word GLOM members use in lieu of "give us your jobs so we can make money." Once this ROTS understood that, communication was facilitated. GLOM chants a mantra of hope and positive thinking: we work while you sleep! our workers are better educated! we have doctors proofing the product! our people work cheap! There seems to be a shocking lack of basic knowledge and understanding of this business, but perhaps the enthusiastic attitude with which it is pursued will make up for it. This ROTS predicts tenacious pursuit of capitalistic rewards.
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Oh, yeah, almost forgot. We accept stories, any stories, original ones though, write them yourself even, give to me, and I will use here on my board and maybe we can attract more sponsors and then have excuse to have more tacky buttons! Yeah!!!
