Volume 1 Edition 1 Chapter 5 Page 1: Circulation 9,8039 - Tacky button hits 29,078,002 per year; 194,908 per month; 47,810 per week; 5811 per day; 1968 per minute; 799 per second; 499 per nanosecond

 

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	Issue 7
	ISSUE #8!!

  Hits to the button: (DISCLAIMER: Numbers inflated to impress sponsors and newcomers) Hits to this button are calculated in the same manner as production units. If you are an MT, your hits will be tripled for billing purposes and halved for payment purposes. Sponsors will be charged for backspaces and twice as many clicks if the clickee is a twin. Hits to the button can be auctioned off at owner's discretion. DISCLAIMER 2: THESE HITS MAY NOT BE OUTSOURCED

Brought to you compliments of Homescribble and the soon to be announced Homekibblers -- a division of Homescribe

"If it is walking and breathing we will hire it!"

HomeScribe of Northern California introduces an exciting new line of products coming your way from HomeKibble (subsidiary of HomeScribe). Of course you are aware of our current (SR) squeak recognition program for our HomeKibble students, Natural Noises, which allows you to train your pets in squeak recognition. Our students, particularly hamsters, are having tremendous success with this incredible new product. We will soon be releasing an upgrade which will bring Natural Noises to the professional level with the release of Naturally Squeaking 3.52! Like Natural Noises, the new Naturally Squeaking is not only perfect for hamsters but now includes built-in vocabularies for rats, mice and gerbils! Our little rodents can complete the general training now with only 5 minutes of squeaking. Following this brief enrollment you can expect 95% accuracy from your pet rodent right here in the USA!!! This means less time for you to spend editing! You simply proof the work, squeak the corrections and that's it. It is that easy!!!

We are currently taking orders for the soon-to-be-released Naturally Squeaking at a special discount for HomeScribe students at $649.99 (expected to start shipping the third quarter of 2000). In addition, the first one thousand orders will receive a complimentary bottle of Throat Creme ala Rodente, an $89.99 value!

It's time for you to join us here at HomeScribe where you can bring the whole family and sail through our 5 lessons which bring you to your Degree in Medical Transcription and Squeak Recognition, a career that will finally bring you all the prosperity and happiness you and your family deserve!

Wishing you,
Peace & Harmony,
Linda Osborne, CEO
HomeScribe/Scribble/Kibble

Also new this issue - Old stale stuff that's been around but what did you expect for the push of a tacky button, something useful?

CLICK HERE!!!!
CLICK HERE!!!!
CLICK HERE!!!!
CLICK HERE!!!!

More links to create more hits to my site - chink, chink, chink

A testimental to Natural Noises

My Homekibble TestyMoneyial
by: Marva Makemspeak

When I first read about Homekibble, I was naturally suspicious. After all, if there are child labor laws, aren't there pet labor laws? Well, I guess not. So I decided to try it with my cat. BIG MISTEAK!!!!!! The cat had less patience with the docs than I did and was expressing contempt for the dictators in ways I had never thought of before.

So there I was in misery. I was sure that I had wasted my money trying to get my cat to earn a living and was sinking into a pit of despair and guilt, wondering if I was going to have to go to India and trap some tigers to train to recoup my investment, when I had a stroke of inspiration -- what about all those guinea pigs I have sitting there in cages. I contacted my friendly Homekibble rep and was given a generous trade-in allowance on my Feline version of Homekibble for a Cavy version.

YOOREKA!!!!! This was the answer I needed! But not at first. Those perky varmints were not strong enough to type much and warn't big enough to get to all the keys fast. I thought all was lost. But no, all it took was one phone call to my Homekibble rep and she dispatched me, at minimal extra charge, the latest edition of Homekibble Natural Noises. It was a perfect solution! Those pigs can sure make a whole lot of different noises, and they were able to train their Natural Noises software to recognize their entire repertoire of noises very quickly and efficiently, thanks to the nice people at the web page

In three days my whole crew were up and running at full speed, and they could go even faster while making their normal noises than they could while typing. Of course, I have to be careful not to do anything to make them squeal louder, like bring food into the room while they are working, but after a few days we found the solution -- we have it trained so that when they wheek for goodies, Natural Noises will type, "Hey! Get back to work! It's not time to eat yet!" Works like a charm.

Now I have my whole flock of guinea pigs divided into two -- one group to transcribe and one group to breed and then train the babies. I expect to be a millionaire within six months at the rate these varmints are breeding!

THANK YOU, HOMEKIBBLE, FOR MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE!

Please see Marva's E-DaNose ad for Natural Noises-trained cavies to help you achieve business success! Guaranteed to knock the socks off anything that comes from overseas, as these are native English wheekers!

GETTIN STARTED
im just about to gradulate and wonder how i get my first job. how much should i charge. do i tell them how much i charge or ask them what they well pay? Wannababy2@homemail.com

Dear Wannababy2: You should call other MTs in your area, tell them you are just graduating from HomeScribe and want your own accounts. Ask them how much they charge and who they work for. Then just call their clients and offer to do it for a penny less a line. You will be making $35,000 a year in no time! Good luck!
Linda@HomeScribe.com

HELP NEEDED NOW!!!
I'm typing for this doctor who keeps saying the tea M's are clear. What kind of tea is clear?? Is he reading the tea leaves and they say 'M'? Please email me immediately! outtatouch@homemail.com

Dear Outtatouch, Normally I try to answer all requests for help on the Word Board, but I'm down with a touch of PMS today. Please post your question at the Kompound word board.. I'm sure they will ...show you the way. ;-)
Linda@HomeScribe.com

SHOULD I SPELL IT OUT??
I've been doing this for a couple of weeks now and got this great idea! why don't we spell out millagrans, millaletters, etc? we could make a lot more money that way! Gotaclubie@homemail.com

Dear Gotacluebie: That is excellent logic but we though of it first (page 38 of the "HomeScribe Book of Style"). You should make macros to expand things that are commonly abbreviated such as CBC, centimeters, TURB, etc. This will help you reach your goal of $35,000 the first year.
Linda@HomeScribe.com

Love, Peace & Harmony,
Linda Osborne, CEO
HomeScribe of Northern California
www.homescribe.com

The Noseletter Travel Service

Yes, you read that right. We were so impressed with the myriad of possibilities for making money on the web, and by the clone web site for travel agencies we decided to embark on travel agencying for you. Have we found the perfect vacation spot for you.

Not too late to make reservations. Open year round. As a kickoff of our new money making endeavor, we have a special promotional thing going to the first person who is a real MT, who can define the word OUTSOURCING and who uses WP5.1 for doing outsourcing work for miracle typing, has can decipher the following: anjif wojwu newom, ohjoyyo; and will buy a raffle ticket for our bazaar we are planning to have in order to sell the NEWEST abbreviation expander, SlipperySliderTyper or SST, in order to make money from some while we give it away to others, will get the chance to buy a raffle ticket to win a trip to ...

10. So you can understand ER.
9. So you too can tell people who post on certain web pages-- "If you don't like it leave."
8. So you can finally use that new computer and if you're talented, a transcriber too!
7. So you can wear that favorite Mary Poppin's hat while you work.
6. So you can retire in five short years after making $90,000 a year!
5. So you can compete in medical Jeopardy.
4. So you can be personally involved in the moral and ethical activities of those who dictate.
3. So you can perfect the art of anti-socialism by hiding out in your house for days on end without seeing another human being.
2. So you TOO could win a trip to India, Ethiopia, or even Rwanda, or to the Chalet of the Babes in woods.
1. The #1 reason: If you are good enough at distorting your actual MT abilities you just might end up as TOP MT of the Year!
Bambi L. Geist, MLS
VerbatiWord
Transcribing the world a word at a time.

COMING SOON TO A BOARD NEAR YOU!!!

(as soon as we line up da sponsors and make more tacky buttons)

The Outsourcing Board for the new way people.
The Topten Board for anyone able to be such an achiever
The Queen for a Day Board for if there is every day 357.
The Brawl Board for educational purposes.
The Terd World Board for outsourcing to India.
The Just Deserts board for after your trip to the Chalet.
The Distortion Board, for when you just can't remember the real truth.
The Resumemailoutforyou Board, for those that just are too darn lazy to 1. Learn how to to do it themselves and stand up on their own two feet. 2. Really don't think they should know how to do this even though they want to work at home and have their own business. 3. Have more money than brains. 4. For those that don't mind being taken in. 5. For those that are gullible. 6. For those that can't see the writing on the wall.
The LittleBirdieBoard for all those that have empty nests.
The R-E-S-P-E-C-T board - for those that need lessons.
The Referreeing board - for those that don't have any respect for themselves or others.
The Emailme Board for those that want to succumb to meddling.
Hemorrhoid board, for what itches us. This board is sure to get inflamed
The Great Pretender board, for those that must.
Zit Pit, where the pus of life pops out at you
The Fly Me board, for those that want to become travel agents
Bloated board, when you are feeling all puffed up about yourself
Toefungus board, for cooking healthy
The Whiners board, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
The "cramps" board, for when you are just out of sorts. Guys welcome
The Beer board, for when you are just foaming at the mouth
The Banner Ad board, if you don't have enough of them.
Another Banner Ad board, just because it seems you can never have enough
Another Banner Ad board, just because it seems you can never have enough
Another Banner Ad board, just because it seems you can never have enough
The Puke board, for when seeing yet another "banner ad" makes you want to throw up
The Docking Board, for when your ship arrives.
The Investment board, for invigoration.
The Miracle board, for performing the miracles of health care typing
The Typing board, for those that can
The Sponsor board, so that we can keep this site free.
The JockStrap board, for when you need a little lift

Or as an alternative, email me.
Advise and help columns are opening up everywhere. We decided to have own. Just click on the pretty picture.

Picture of Brain

BTW, the first real MT wearing rose colored glasses, who does health care miracle typing that is distorted, who needs a discount from the already cheap price of free, on Thursday night using a computer who has sighted their ship coming in if you email me with word perfect you can have this newletter free.

Or as an alternative, email me.

Disclaimer: This is a manually operated rotating button. To use this button, position yourself smack in the middle of your monitor screen. Move your eyes up and down as fast as you can and pretend the banner is rotating. Or use scroll button to the right of you.

Thank you for "supporting" this noseletter.

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Oh, yeah, almost forgot. We accept stories, any stories, original ones though, write them yourself even, give to me, and I will use here on my board and maybe we can attract more sponsors and then have excuse to have more tacky buttons! Yeah!!!

Disclaimer: This newsletter is the original design of its creator and any resemblance to any other industry or other newsletter, hard print or cyberprint, or unreasonable faxsimily thereof, or any other person, place, thing, living or dead, on this planet, any other planet, or in lala land, in Kansas, or carrying a little dog named Toto, is strictly in the imagination of the reader. This is cyberspoof based on the word "satire" found in the dictionary.