Volume 1 Edition 1 Chapter 4 Page 1: Circulation 8,109 - Tacky button hits 19,078,002
per year; 169,908 per month; 46,010 per week; 4811 per day; 1778 per minute;
742 per second; 468 per nanosecond
Hits to the button: (DISCLAIMER: Numbers inflated to impress sponsors and newcomers) Hits to this button are calculated in the same manner as production units. If you are an MT, your hits will be tripled for billing purposes and halved for payment purposes. Sponsors will be charged for backspaces and twice as many clicks if the clickee is a twin. Hits to the button can be auctioned off at owner's discretion.
Brought to you compliments of Homescribble and the soon to be announced Homekibblers -- a division of Homescribe
(Please visit our sponsor multiple times as Da Nose receives some money for each time that site receives a "hit")
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WHAT'S NEW ON THE BOARD
This breaking news!!! Read all about it
HOT OFF THE PRESSES AT MT-FRINGE
NEWS......
In light of the recent perfecting of the age-old game Pac-Man, Mr.Dick (Lefty) Testikalar was honored at this week's heavily attended Savvy Businessmen of The Year festivities. Empties from all over the country littered the streets as Mr. Testickalar strutted his stuff. When questioned as to his greatest accomplishment in life, Mr. Testikalar replied, "I've done a great service by enabling all the little women to be able to stay at home, raise their children, keep their hubbies happy, and still allow them to line my pockets. For this I will be forever proud." Mr. Testikalar was unavailable to Da'Nose for further questioning once he realized his words were being recorded.
(Credit: The above header is a true header seen at CNN-Fringe-News.)
OOH-LA-LA
The crowds lined the streets to watch those entering the closely-guarded meeting of MT Minds this week in downtown Anywhere, USA. What a star-studded evening it was! Onlookers were treated to quick glimpses of the likes of Kary Korken, Anny Onymus, the unsinkable Linda O and last but not least Mr. Dick Testikalar. Being sent there on assignment for Da'Nose was the greatest joy of this reporters life. Just when I thought I'd seen it all, a tremendously gorgeous camel approached the curb. Sliding off the camel's back and onto the street was none other than Catgotch Yatongue and Durdee Khiddypotti. Imagine my amazement when this duo wasted no time zeroing in on anyone who looked like they would be willing to listen to their pleas for free information.
It seems Kary Korken was to be guest speaker for the great event but when it was revealed that she would have to submit to an interview (sans the ability to edit and delete) she quickly cut off all access. However, this reporter was not to be thwarted. I hounded her endlessly until she finally relented to seeing me in the "chatroom." Upon entering the chat, er bathroom, I found that Kary had not intended to answer questions at all, but was hoping that she could work her magic on me and get me to sign up for her new group, Stepford-MTs. I questioned her as to the training of the Stepford-MTs but she kept telling me I was insulting her. I did manage to slip in that question all Empties are dying to know, does she really don that pirate hat when replying to some questions at the Kompound, but she only exclaimed, "THAT IS A TOTAL DISTORTION AND I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO IT!!"
After many efforts at getting some "real" answers from the slippery Kary Korken, this reporter had access abruptly cut off when Kary ran into a slight flushing problem, and, doing her best Rodney Dangerfield imitation, muttered, "I get no respect!" It seems from the answers I was able to receive, Kary feels it's best to start each day with the Stepford-MTs singing "Why Can't We Be Friends" followed by a ten minute mantra of "we're not worthy". She says honesty gets much too much emphasis these days and she's found it to be much more conducive to her income if she only allows glimpses of the truth to be served up to the Stepford-MTs. This reporter will make every effort to once again contact the great Kary Korken in an effort to receive further information on how to become a Stepford-MT and pass all this on to you for free!
That's all for this week folks ROTS (Reporter On The Site)
Tired of not having professional representation? Tired of paying dues to an organization that just does not meet your needs? If so, IRNMT, located in ImSoModest, WA is the place to be! We've designed our program to satisfy every dissatisfied MT in the world. Benefits you'll receive from being a member of IRNMT include:
Dues of a mere $1.00 per day. This is payable by check or money order to Catgotch Yatongue and/or Kary Korken. Discounts are given for anyone willing to pay dues on an annual basis- Just send check or money order in the amount of $390.00 to the address listed below.
7774 Certificates for Continuing Education credits. These are for sale for a nominal fee.
Educational seminars. Please be sure to bring the sunscreen, lots of money, and recipe for your favorite drink. Speakers at these seminars are always optional.
Tuition assistance. While we feel education for MT is a waste of valuable time and money, if you feel so inclined, please inquire as to what schools we feel offer more bang for your buck. Referral bonuses. For every MT you refer to IRNMT, you will be given a supply of IRNMT-Bucks, redeemable on selected sites. IRNMT-Bucks will buy you advertising time on certain sites, get your resume posted for 30-second intervals, allow you to make donations to the MTs who would like to take vacation but don't have benefits, subscriptions to Kary Korken newsletter.
For questions, please email: Catgotch Yatongue at catgot@sendmemoney.com
Read the touching story of an Empty who fell hook,
line, and stinker into the kkkompound and the philosphy that permeates from
there.
OTHER NEW STUFF!! CLICK LINKS. PAY THE WEBPAGEOWNERMONITER.
The Truth Shall Set You Free or Distortions are Good for the Soul
And if you thought THAT was scary - read Noseletter #7
Also new this issue - Old stale stuff that's been around but what did you expect for the push of a tacky button, something useful?
CLICK HERE!!!!
CLICK HERE!!!!
CLICK HERE!!!!
CLICK HERE!!!!
More links to create more hits to my site - chink, chink, chink
NEW!!! APPLY TODAY. IT'S ALMOST FREE
Da Nose is proud to bring you DaNose Email Service!!!! Be the first in your neighborhood to have your own DaNose email address. Below is a list of just some available names at this time. Signup will be frenzied. Get yours quick. At this time, we do not accept Master Card and Visa payments, but we're thinking of PayPal. Please send money in the form of cash, spendable, to greed@danose.com. Once payment has been received, you will be allowed to use your danose email address. Once payment has been received, you will be given the link to our new email service. (All addresses only $15 a year!)
snots@danose.com - boogers@danose.com - snotty@danose.com
slime@danose.com - stringsnot@danose.com - boogies@danose.com
epistaxis@danose.com - bloody@danose.com - hemorrhage@danose.com
kleenex@danose.com - tissue@danose.com - puffs@danose.com
toiletpaper@danose.com - picky@danose.com - smell@danose.com
sneeze@danose.com- sneezie@danose.com - sneezer@danose.com
wheezer@danose.com - allergies@danose.com - blessyou@danose.com
snort@danose.com - snuffles@danose.com - nosehairs@danose.com
fingerup@danose.com - upyours@danose.com - pickawinner@danose.com
HURRY! THE BEST ONES WILL GO FAST!
No quantity discounts
Somebody please male me!!!!
Somebody please male me!!!!
I am an EmT with lots of advise to offer. I will fill you with feelings of self-worth, warm fuzzy feelings and the preferred rose-colored vision of being an EmT. If you'll just male me, I can help.
Have a question about anything at all? Male me. I can help.
Feeling left out? Male me. I can help. Wee can all be the bestest of friends.
No money, can't afford that software needed to work at a certain service? Male me. I can help you. I can help. You dun't ned to spend money fur somthin sombudy worked hard to doo. I can giv to u for free. Male me.
Has your company given you the shaft (oh, those naughty CEOs!)? Don't put urself in a position to get law suited or anything. Male me. I can help. My grate nieces oldest grandson is an lawyer - he wants to help too.
Are you an offshore wannabe EmT who haves problems with american grammer and spelling? Male me. I can help gape the bridge between you and my fellow americon EmTees!
. Having prublems deciding were to go to EmT skool? Male me. Dun't spend hard-earned money on a good skool, it's not necissary. Just male me. I promisee you, I can help.
Iz there something you find ofensive? Male me. Dun't respond, just male me. I luv pullig things, i have purfet jugment. Just male me. I can help.
I am the all-noing, all-seing EmT, the great oz of the online EmT wurld. Dun't pay any attension to the man behind the curtain. Male me.
New Service!!!
NameCheck Result eMTptyDaly.commy is available. Register it now!
eMTptyDaly.netty is available. Register it now!
eMTptyDaly.orgy is available. Register it now!
Tell a friend Or order all 3 for the price of 2. What would you like to do?
For the recalcitrant dictator the Screaming Voodoo Doll Dictator Payback
How I became a MT in easy payments, continued here
COMING SOON TO A BOARD NEAR YOU!!!
(as soon as we line up da sponsors and make more tacky buttons)
The Distortion Board, for when you just can't remember the real truth.
Or as an alternative, email me.
The Resumemailoutforyou Board, for those that just are too darn lazy to 1. Learn
how to to do it themselves and stand up on their own two feet. 2. Really don't
think they should know how to do this even though they want to work at home and
have their own business. 3. Have more money than brains. 4. For those that don't
mind being taken in. 5. For those that are gullible. 6. For those that can't see
the writing on the wall.
The LittleBirdieBoard for all those that have empty nests.
The R-E-S-P-E-C-T board - for those that need lessons.
The Referreeing board - for those that don't have any respect for themselves or
others.
The Emailme Board for those that want to succumb to meddling.
Hemorrhoid board, for what itches us. This board is sure to get inflamed
The Great Pretender board, for those that must.
Zit Pit, where the pus of life pops out at you
The Fly Me board, for those that want to become travel agents
Bloated board, when you are feeling all puffed up about yourself
Toefungus board, for cooking healthy
The Whiners board, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
The "cramps" board, for when you are just out of sorts. Guys welcome
The Beer board, for when you are just foaming at the mouth
The Banner Ad board, if you don't have enough of them.
Another Banner Ad board, just because it seems you can never have enough
Another Banner Ad board, just because it seems you can never have enough
Another Banner Ad board, just because it seems you can never have enough
The Puke board, for when seeing yet another "banner ad" makes you want to throw
up
The Docking Board, for when your ship arrives.
The Investment board, for invigoration.
The Miracle board, for performing the miracles of health care typing
The Typing board, for those that can
The Sponsor board, so that we can keep this site free.
The JockStrap board, for when you need a little lift
Advise and help columns are opening up everywhere. We decided to have own. Just
click on the pretty picture.
Or as an alternative, email me.
BTW, the first real MT wearing rose colored glasses, who does health
care miracle typing that is distorted, who needs a discount from the already cheap
price of free, on Thursday night using a computer who has sighted their ship coming
in if you email me with word perfect you can have this newletter free.
Disclaimer: This is a manually operated rotating button. To use this button, position yourself smack in the middle of your monitor screen. Move your eyes up and down as fast as you can and pretend the banner is rotating. Or use scroll button to the right of you.
Thank you for "supporting" this noseletter.
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Issue 7 | |
Oh, yeah, almost forgot. We accept stories, any stories, original
ones though, write them yourself even, give to me
, and I will
use here on my board and maybe we can attract more sponsors and then have excuse
to have more tacky buttons! Yeah!!!
Disclaimer: This newsletter is the
original design of its creator and any resemblance to any other industry or
other newsletter, hard print or cyberprint, or unreasonable faxsimily thereof,
or any other person, place, thing, living or dead, on this planet, any other
planet, or in lala land, is strictly in the imagination of the reader. This
is cyberspoof based on the word "satire" found in the dictionary.