Volume 1 Edition 1 Chapter 2 Page 1: Circulation 98,210 1/2 Tacky button hits
19,700,902 per year; 749,908 per month; 50,010 per week; 7011 per day; 1978
per minute; 842 per second; 413 per nanosecond
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Hits to the button: (DISCLAIMER: Numbers inflated to impress sponsors and newcomers and newbies) Hits to this button are calculated in the same manner as production units. If you are an MT, your hits will be tripled for billing purposes and halved for payment purposes. Sponsors will be charged for backspaces and twice as many clicks if the clickee is a twin. Cookies now available.
Brought to you compliments of
Homescribble and the soon to be announced Homekibblers -- a division of Homescribe
OH WAIT!!!!
This week, we have a new sponsor, ta da!!!!!!!!!!!!
"If it is walking and breathing we will hire
it!"
(Please visit our sponsor multiple times as Da Nose receives a credit for each time that site receives a "hit")
The above was out of good reading comprehension order but hey, it's free, so you have to take what we give you, typos and all, incomphrehensible syntext and lax of any commas and dangling parables and all.
WHAT'S NEW ON THE BOARD
Old stale stuff that's been around but what did you expect for the push of a tacky button, something useful? = Repeat announcement.
Karyn Korken Kronicles KK Kronicles
MT POETRY BY AN MT FOR AN MT - TOTALLY MT.
This is a copyright piece of intellectual property used here on this site by permission of the writer. He retains all ownership of this writing.
And this new improved reading article:
INTERVIEW WITH HOMESCRIBBLE OWNER
Here at Homescribble, we have a unique philosophy about medical transcription -- anyone can do it. Forget all those negative things you read in the professional journals for medical information managers and medical transcriptionists. In fact, I encourage my students to stay away from anything and anyone negative. It makes them feel insecure and I feel a positive attitude is important towards feeling good about yourself. And I'm especially careful to tell them that anyone with experience who tells them they need more education or training only feels threatened. After all, when my students graduate and start out at $3.50 an hour or $0.03 per line (including spaces!), those experienced MTs don't stand a chance in the marketplace. One of the things I teach my students is how to deal with such negativity and pessimism. The first thing I advise is for them to stick their fingers in their ears and start singing an uplifting song in a loud voice. That way, they block out the negativity and the song makes them feel good about themselves.
One of the main reasons I encourage students to attend our program is because we acknowledge there are just so many mothers wanting to break into the field so they can stay at home with their kids. We encourage them to bring the kids with them, so we can start training them. The kids, I mean. Those little darlings just don't seem to realize that Mommy can't make any money if she's changing diapers, feeding children or supervising away from the keyboard! We like to start with the youngest, although I encourage my students with young children to bring the family dog, so we can train the dog to corral the child. When they've graduated to playing quietly in the playpen behind the desk, we teach them that the TV is their friend, especially now Mommy can afford to buy a bunch of videotapes! Barney and Disney work especially well for a certain age group. And we find that by the time they're 12 or 13, they're no bother at all. They stay out with their friends, at least until the police or Social Services pick them up. Staying at home with a mother is so much better for children than day care. This way, they don't come home all tuckered out from playing with other children, or covered with paint from craft activities. And when children are in daycare, our students might be interrupted by having to attend plays and other programs put on in preschool. It's just so unproductive.
We have a very intensive course outline here at Homescribble and it's so easy to get started in medical transcription. We have oodles and oodles of samples, which our graduates have sent us from their work place. I'm a nurse, so before I quit work at the hospital I copied a bunch of records to include in our sample books. We have hundreds of these, all types of reports from all over, so our students can become familiar with how different doctors of different backgrounds do their reports. We have the students read these over and it gives them a good understanding of the language usage and report format. It's nice for them, because this way they don't have to rent or buy any equipment, like a transcriber or a computer.
The backbone of our program is a self-confidence booklet. This includes a mirror, so students can perform their own self-affirmation. We give them what we call the Stuart Smalley script (so they don't have to have a VCR) and tell them to memorize it: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." This becomes especially important for those little setbacks when they get terminated from positions.
The best thing about getting into medical transcription is -- you don't need a business degree and you don't need any special license! All of these require spending large amounts of time and money and our students don't have much of that, especially after they've paid for our program.
Our students have no trouble finding work once they've graduated! We encourage them to go to work for local doctors. In fact, one of the tips we give them is to attend the education meetings at their local hospital so they can pretend they're interested in the topic while they schmooze the doctors for their accounts. Of course they'll have to cut the rates being paid the current transcrip-tionist so they can get the business, but we all have to start somewhere. Another tip we give students is to get hired by a local service, then approach the doctor directly and offer to do the work for less. We find that working for the large services isn't very successful for our students. The work is too hard, most the doctors don't speak English, and although they have no trouble getting hired, they don't seem to be given a lot of work after the first couple of days.
Homescribble is an excellent program for anyone wishing to work full time at home and make $25 or $30 a day while watching their children grow up in front of the TV.
what matters who wrote this?
Breaking news stories hot off the poofpress.
Millennium is now spelled m i l l e n i u m.
The words "Dirty naked ladies" can be seen in a new revolving ad
Health care now has two spellings in same paragraph usage allowed rule
SIGHTED - just now - ship coming in
Now launching at a spacesight close to you - MTs
ATTENTIONIO: Send money to keep this service free
LINKS NO MT SHOULD BE WITHOUT
Searching for a little something to send to the "dictator" who is simply not getting the message that some incredibly "bad dictation habits" need to be changed? Never fear, Da Nose has just "da" thing:
Fossilized Dino Dung -- a bargain at $15 a pound Dino Dung
For the recalcitrant dictator the Screaming Voodoo Doll Dictator Payback
The above was a repeat announcement.
CONVERSATION WITH NEWAGE WEWBORN MTBUSINESS:
Dear sir,
WHY IS IT NOT POSSIBLE TO MAKE AN ORGANISATION IF SINCER EFFERTS ARE PUT IT CAN BE MAKE IF YOU ARE INTERESTED I WILL BE ON HAND awaiting your ealry reply
thanks
and then....
MR. Durdee Khiddypotti
MANGAGING DIRECTOR
FULL STOP TRANSCRIPTION
PUNJABARJISANJEEPATEL INDIA
Dear sir,
we are training institute for medical transcription have some excellent candidates with + 95% efficency and interested in taking up home job, we can also arrange for a full transcription institute to takeup the work, the terms can be negotiated. The institute and the centre for transcription work is based in Punjabarjisanjeepatel, India. Kindly revert with your offer, awaiting your ealry reply thanks
- MR. Durdee Khiddypotti
MANGAGING DIRECTOR
and then....
#1 -- Qwicherbichin - You no thse feriners half truble with hour languige. Heck, if it wernt 4 TV, i wood knot no it too goot mysef.
#2 -- Si--- whade she sayed! Dunnt axe us over dis talk much more. U see? I buyed my engulish at Walled market. Veddy cheep.
:) K
#3 -- i KAN SERTINLY tell that Kand D are well edjicated transcribersesthey EVEN NO when to use kapitle letterz and how to yuse punchiatshuni am of the beleef that they wood haf NO PROBOBLEM in the meeting of the + 95% efficency, wood yoo too be interested in taking up a home jobi am seeking of the partneri haf no money to start this companieandi haf no esperense in this werk butI NO WAT I AM DUNE AND I JUST NEED peeples to do the werk for mei will pay goot to -- 0.003 per page. you kan get ritch in a short time.rite to me or go to my web page (witch will has move 4 times between when i sent this lettre and when you will receeb it.)www.englushrus.com
#4 -- Shall we direct them to the Homescribe School????
#5 -- Mrs B You are being needing a job, yes? I can be hiring you. You very good work to be doing!
#6 -- exsqeeze me ladies butt dis is no jokes. I be veddy sereous of work in uS. Id be veddy leetle turble and wilt breeng my seester 2. Dis ease nose joke. reverst repley if you willed. canned u told meese how mush u payed pulese. eye will be geetting a coompanie soon.. tank u veddy mush fur yur halp.
#7 -- What I am really being wanting to know is if you will consult with me in my hotel room for many dollars of US currency? We have 1000 transcribers and machines to do the work of 10,000 American capitalist pigs and can be doing it much the cheaper than you. We have doctors doing our reviewing of the documents that we are being producing for your association with me. Why do you not answer? I am being waiting with breath that smells of worm bait.
#8 -- I be contacting you for this business for my transcribe relatives and friends in India. I gots no monies but with you expertise and hard working, you can be making much money for to be a partner in this business. Much apologetic, but my contribution only to be providing peoples for to transcribe. But you will be rich with me if alls you does to tell me everything you know about this business, train my friends and relatives, provide equipments necessary and find us customers. Through your hard works, Vishnu will rain blessings on us all!
#9 -- I do be having to remind you that we am bery busy here in Hawkoneupandspit, India. The weather is shining very kindly on our telephonic conversations, I see. It is becoming so bery clear to me that you are being interested in our transcriber intercourse. This is being very goot, as we are making much email with all around the country and you are being answering us. You are much to be adored for this.
We will to be paying our transcribers in association with your doctors one cent US per line. You are to be paying 25 cents US per line. This is much of a bargain. Are you not thinking this is the offer of a lifetime?
If you are to be consulting with us, then much condom will be bought for you to reside in with a view of the river that runs through the city of Hawkoneupandspit. You have never seen anything like it. You can be trusting me on that.
"But you will be rich with me if alls you does to tell me everything you know about this business, train my friends and relatives, provide equipments necessary and find us customers."
This is poo poo of the bull, and as we hold cows so very sacred, please to be telling Ms. Alpha Transcriber that we are not knowing her relatives and they are not being expecting reply from her apology self.
Thankyouvellymuch.
#10 -- Throw on a veil and come on over to Hawkoneupandspit, India. We would be very much liking you to help us in our list making for very much US dollars.
<---genuflecting to the Buddah (wait, that's another culture altogether; what's the Indial equivalent?)
#11 -- Having been coming to your country for a reaction from a company of transcribers in the US, and spening many dollars and Indian cullency, and as the hour is so vely late in my country, it was decided that my hostess would "show me the town". I was so suprised to be finding out that to being showing someone from Hawkoneupandspit meant to be entering a dancing can-can. I don't know about our 95% accuracy of medical typing, but I do now be knowing that the peoples of Hawkoneupandspit would love to get up on the goot foot with Master James Brown. Is dis man a transcriber? Would he like to go into relaionship with me? Do you think this is being reasonable? I feel goot!
#12 -- Well. I think you all are just terrible. Don't you realize that those Indian MTs are our brothers and sisters? Do you really think it is amusing to have so much fun at their expense? So their English isn't perfect. Is yours perfect all the time? Isn't it our duty as citizens of the world to help and assist others who haven't been so fortunate as to have been born in the great United States of America? We should not feel threatened by our Indian brothers and sisters. We should embrace them and give freely of our knowledge and expertise. Our pockets might become poorer but just think how much richer our lives and our spirits will become.
While we are embracing our brethren across the sea, I'd like to take this opportunity to ask you all a little favor. I am planning on publishing a booklet listing exactly what MTs in various parts of our great land charge their clients. Please reply to this e-mail and indicate:
1. Where you live.
2. How you charge.
a. If by the line, what constitutes a line - please be very specific.
b. If by the page, what constitutes a page - please be very specific.
c. If by the dictated minute, what constitutes a minute - please be very specific.
3. How much you charge.
4. Any and all "secrets" of your success.<>br> This booklet will be
offered for sale to everyone answering the ad I will place on every matchbook
cover in the country. Cost will be $4.95 (plus $7.95 shipping and handling).
If you would like, I will include your name as a contributor, but of course
I cannot pay you for your times and information. That just wouldn't be ethical.
A lot of research is going into this booklet. So far, I have had responses from
3 MTs, who hope to be working at their first job any day now. The information
they have provided has been invaluable and make up the first 4 chapters. If
this keeps up, I will have too much information for a simple booklet. I may
have to publish an actual book. Oh, this is too exciting. Please stay tuned.
I will keep you all informed on the progress of this endeavor. We can all have
a part in forming the minds of the next generation of MTs. Of course, since
it was my idea, I will have to be Spokesperson. It's only right.
Look folks, we don't take complaints about the easy readibility of this publication. If you want easy, send money so I can keep this noseletter free however we do take words of encouragement. See next:
For netscape users we added blink feature to above.
COMING SOON TO A BOARD NEAR YOU!!!
(as soon as we line up da sponsors and make more tacky buttons)
Hemorrhoid board, for what itches us. This board is sure to get inflamed
Zit Pit, where the pus of life pops out at you
Bloated board, when you are feeling all puffed up about yourself
Toefungus board, for cooking healthy
The "cramps" board, for when you are just out of sorts. Guys welcome
The Beer board, for when you are just foaming at the mouth
The Banner Ad board, if you don't have enough of them.
The Docking Board, for when your ship arrives.
The Investment board, for invigoration.
The Miracle board, for performing the miracles of health care typing
The Sponsor board, so that we can keep this site free.
The JockStrap board, for when you need a little lift
Or as an alternative, email me.
BTW, the first real MT who does health care miracle typing on Thursday night using
a computer who has sighted their ship coming in if you email me with word perfect
you can have this newletter free.
Thank you for "supporting" this noseletter.
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Oh, yeah, almost forgot. We accept stories, any stories, original ones though, write them yourself even, give to me, and I will use here on my board and maybe we can attract more sponsors and then have excuse to have more tacky buttons! Yeah!!!
Disclaimer: This newsletter is the original design of its creator and any resemblance to any other industry or other newsletter, hard print or cyberprint, or unreasonable faxsimily thereof, or any other person, place, thing, living or dead, on this planet, any other planet, on ship, space or water, or in lala land, is strictly in the imagination of the reader. This is cyberspoof based on the word "satire" found in the dictionary.